Two Fallen
by Random42
Summary: After Sunnydale is completely destroyed Buffy and Xander are the only ones left standing. (B/X)


Two Fallen

By Random

***

Disclaimer: "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" and all its characters are property of Joss Whedon, 20th Century Fox and Mutant Enemy. "Two Fallen" written by Jason Bieler, published by Baron Van Bielsky Music. 

Summary: After Sunnydale is completely destroyed Buffy and Xander are the only ones left standing. (B/X)

Spoilers: None.

Feedback: Bring it on, I'm wearing kevlar! 

Author's Note: Takes place sometime between seasons four and five.  This is a B/X story, so if you have a problem with that don't read on.

***

_Said you loved me  
And I drown 'cause of you now, baby  
Said I loved you and I tried..._  
                      -- "Two Fallen", Jason Bieler 

***

Our room was dark, but we had left the drapes open and the lights of the city shone in through our windows. I could see Buffy's naked silhouette in the faint glow. I had my head on her stomach and it rose and fell with her slow breathing while she slept. 

The lights outside the windows belonged to the Phoenix, Arizona metroplex, the closest we had been to Sunnydale in a year. I was not entirely sure why we came back this way, maybe we were finally ready to go back. 

But what were we going back to? There was hardly anything left of the town I had grown up in. My memory of what had happened was incomplete at best. A major crisis had caught us by surprise and in the haste Giles' explanations had been lacking in details. 

Some demon named Almöhi had finally succeeded in opening the hellmouth, and so the foul stuff really hit the fan. This wasn't just another one of our little fights, this was an all out war. We did win the war but at what price? 

By the time it was all over Buffy and me were the only ones left standing. Our friends, our families were all dead. Not to mention that Sunnydale itself had been pretty much wiped off the map. You could have counted the survivors on one hand. 

Buffy and I holed up in my basement and she became incoherent with guilt and grief because she blamed herself for what had happened. Surprisingly enough I managed to remain halfway sane. For a few days we lived off of whatever I could scavenge from the ruins of what used to be the grocery store, until somebody noticed that a town was missing. 

Sunnydale, or the three buildings of it that were still standing, was declared a disaster area and I believe the authorities blamed an earthquake for the damage. Buffy and me were evacuated and put up in a hotel in Los Angeles. 

The lobby had been full of reporters wanting to talk to us and interview requests came in from all directions. Everybody from Rush Limbaugh, who wanted to use us to illustrate how those liberal bastards, who he blames for everything from static electricity to the depressed cosmostock market on Betelgeuse V, had single handedly wiped an entire American town off the face of the planet (and me having forgotten to ask Almöhi for his political affiliation!), to Oprah, who wanted us to support her unhealthy obsession with angels, to Howard Stern, who thought Buffy was hot. 

But Buffy and me were pretty much captives in our room and the only people we got to talk to were those who knew what had really happened. Military types, shrinks, spin doctors, you know the drill. We gave them very little information, if any at all, since Buffy and I were barely able to talk to each other about what happened, much less to a bunch of government lackeys. Whenever they tried to separate us Buffy would start breaking bones, none of them her own, until they agreed to let me go along to wherever they were taking her. 

We spent the nights silently holding each other and crying. Just to assure ourselves that we were both alive and not alone. 

Then Giles' lawyer found us. Not unlike our former high school librarian the lawyer was a bespectacled, clean cut type with a tweed fetish. He informed us, amidst a veritable barrage of legal terms, that our friend Rupert had not been quite what he had seemed. Giles had been a closet aristocrat, sole heir to an enormous fortune, very old money. And since there were no surviving relatives Giles had willed his every belonging to Buffy, Willow and me. To put it mildly Buffy and I were rich. 

The fact that our money issues had been solved for generations to come gave me and Buffy some focus and resolve. We started to negotiate with the government types and they finally agreed to let us go in exchange for our silence. They had explained quite extensively that if we were to start telling the real story behind Sunnydale's disappearance, they would declare us insane and lock us up in a place without five star room service. And the press had also already found some new pseudo heroes to masturbate their egos on television. 

And so Buffy and I packed our few belongings into a new car and set off on the road to anywhere. We would travel for a few hours then find a hotel to sleep in and continue on our way the next day. When we hit a major city or we found a place that we really liked we would stick around for a while. But in the end we would always move on. 

It was the first time that I really started thinking about what it was that I wanted to do with my life. All my financial worries were taken care of and so I basically was free to do whatever I wanted. I thought about it long and hard but I was never really able to come up with anything. I was happy travelling and taking care of Buffy. 

And then I realized that this was exactly what I wanted to do. Buffy needed me, she still had frequent nightmares and panic attacks. I was the only one who seemed to be able to calm her down. It made me feel wanted and useful, something I hadn't felt in quite a while. 

We hardly spent any time apart and when we did it was a mere matter of minutes. We did everything together from eating and sleeping all the way to showering. I was anything Buffy needed me to be; best friend, confidant, big brother, lunch buddy and lover. We were always touching in some form or another, either holding hands, sleeping in each others arms or touching feet under the table when we ate. It was our way of reassuring each other that we were still there. 

Once Buffy got well enough that she was confident she could spend time on a plane we flew to England. There we visited the origins of our fortune. We toured Giles' former stomping grounds, most of them being places that either Buffy or I now owned. We also took an extensive tour of mainland Europe. 

Over the time that we had been on the road Buffy and me had grown very close. We knew everything about each other, the good, the bad and the ugly, there had been no secrets. She knew exactly how I felt about her and I knew how she felt about me. We had even thought about getting married when we had passed through Vegas. 

It had been a long year since we had left Sunnydale but it seemed like we were finally back to our old selves. Our emotional scars had slowly healed and it looked like for the first time in quite a while we were ready to face the life ahead of us again. Maybe it was this return to normalcy that had prompted us to travel west again and Phoenix was the closest we had gotten to Sunnydale during our entire trip. 

I felt Buffy stir under me and her hand came up and started playing with my hair. 

"What are you thinking about, Xander?" I heard her ask. 

"I love you, Buffy," I answered still looking out at the city through the window. 

"I love you too," she said. 

"I wish you could love me the same way I love you." 

"I wish I could too. I'm sorry." 

So was I. 

***

Buffy awoke with the rays of the morning sun shining through the windows and warming her. She let out a contented sigh, stretched and reached over to the other side of the bed. When she didn't find Xander's body there she bolted upright and looked around the room for him. The room was empty and the door to the bathroom was open and the light inside off. What Buffy did find was an envelope on his pillow with her name written on it. 

Tears immediately pooled in her eyes and started running down her face. She slowly reached out and grabbed the envelope and held it before her. She turned it over a few times in her hands not daring to open it. Buffy sat like that for what seemed like an eternity. Finally she closed her eyes, opened the envelope and retrieved the letter within. She unfolded the paper, slowly opened her eyes and let the words come into focus. 

_Dear Buffy, _

_this is easily the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The last year with you has been the best and the worst of my life. We have lost everyone and everything that we knew and held dear, but at least we had each other to see us through it. You know that I love you more than anything in this world and that I would never try to intentionally hurt you. _

_Which brings me to why I'm not in bed beside you and why you are holding this letter. We both know that our feelings for each other aren't the same and no matter how much I wish I could, we can't change the way we feel about each other. And we both deserve better. I deserve somebody who will love me back the same way I love her and you deserve somebody who you love with your whole heart. I'm sure you will find him someday. _

_I'm sorry that I have to take the cowardly way of telling you all this in a letter, but I know that if we had talked about this face to face you would have asked me stay and there is no way I could have left then. This is for the best, for both of us. You're the strongest person I know it's time you start living your life again. _

_I want you to know that I'll always treasure the time that we had together. I'll never forget you and maybe someday we'll meet again. _

_You're still my hero. _

_Love always, Xander _

Buffy gave a little smile, replaced the letter inside the envelope and gave it a soft kiss. 

"Thank you, Xander," she whispered and then curled up on her bed and cried, alone for the first time in a year. 

***

_Thought there'd always be a morning  
Thought you'd always be my light  
                      _-- "Two Fallen", Jason Bieler

***

THE END


End file.
